Closer To My Dreams
by Words Are My Vice
Summary: "Dammit she was such a fool." They say that hindsight is 20/20.


**A/N:** I was feeling a little inspired at 4am and I decided to get this out of my system. This is my 1st time writing fanfiction so please be gentle. Oh yeah, these characters aren't mine. Unfortunately they belong to Ryan Murphy, who has no clue what to do with them.**  
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This is the fifth time in a week that she's been unable to succumb to slumber. The same unrelenting thoughts and images plague her over exhausted mind. Every time she closes her eyes she's slammed with feelings of guilt. How did she get here? If only she had been patient. Patience is not a word that seems to be a part of her loquacious vocabulary. Even in the womb her parents knew that she would be a bit on the impatient side, clearly evident by the fact that she was born a month early. She likes to think of it as getting a head-start on the competition for her inevitable rise to stardom. She laughs bitterly, chastising herself for once again only thinking of herself.

She has spent so many nights since the accident punishing herself for not thinking of others. At times she feels for her ex-fiancé but mostly for the girl whose hand she clings desperately to. Why hadn't she noticed it before? How could she have been so blind? Quinn had put herself out there time after time only for Rachel to reject her repeatedly. The longing looks during Glee rehearsal. The grazes of fingertips along her forearm during their weekly Lima Bean visits. The hugs that lingered far too long to be considered friendly. Rachel pondered why she even accepted Finn's proposal. It wasn't that she didn't love the boy, because truthfully she did. He had been one of the first people to befriend her despite her place at the bottom of the McKinley social hierarchy. She adored his boyish grin that once made her heart light. She did indeed love him but she wasn't in love with him. No. Her heart belonged to another and it had been that way for quite some time.

The slap to her face at prom did more than just make her appreciate a flair for the dramatic; it cemented everything that she needed to know about her growing feelings for the blonde. Never had she had someone fight so hard for her affection, even if it wasn't with grand romantic gestures. She and Quinn had begun their dance around each other the moment Rachel had swooped in trying to steal Finn from the hazel-eyed beauty. Quinn had been determined to make her life a living hell from that moment on. But Rachel had always found it most curious that the most popular girl in school focused all her energies upon her. She never understood the need for the pornographic pictures of her in the bathroom nor the horrible inaccurate drawing surrounded by hearts that Quinn doodled effortlessly while in Glee. She also hadn't been able to understand the need to defeminize her with nicknames such as "Man-hands" and "RuPaul". It all became crystal clear to Rachel after the bathroom incident at prom: Quinn was fighting an internal battle.

After quelling all the negativity that had come along in the past, the girls had formed a sort of friendship. Looking back on it, Rachel realized that they had never really been friends. They say that hindsight is 20/20 and it was as though Rachel was seeing with brand new eyes. No wonder Quinn had been so adamant about her ending things with Finn. All along the brunette had figured it was a ploy just to get him back. The encouragement the blonde had given to Rachel, consistently pushing her to go for her dreams. The look of devastation when Rachel had announced her engagement to the quarterback. She had spent hours gazing into those hazel eyes and she was certain that she had become an expert in the emotions that swirled within them. Rachel had chosen to believe that she would never be worthy of having her feelings reciprocated so she had immediately jumped to the defensive. Quinn had practically begged, pleaded and screamed at her to notice her feelings. How could she have been so stupid? The girl had come to her wide-eyed and hopeful after regionals and asked if she had been singing to anyone else besides Finn. Yet she had denied listening to those feelings that always seemed to make themselves present whenever Quinn was in her general vicinity. Hell, even just the mere thought of the girl brought them about. She had broken this girl when the only thing she had asked of Rachel was the hint of a possibility of a chance. Quinn was so much stronger than her. Even lying here, in this moment, connected to various wiring and tubing. Rachel knew she had made the wrong decision when she hadn't even given Finn a second glance during the final minutes before they were set to marry. Her only focus was on the girl who had promised her that she would be there to support her. Rachel had hoped that Quinn would show up and dramatically reveal that Rachel could not go through with the wedding on account of her loving the diminutive diva. Rachel had been getting more nervous with each passing tick of the clock. Rachel had not been strong enough to end things with Finn herself and she needed the blonde who had been her rock in the past few months.

Dammit she was such a fool. She had rushed the girl. It wasn't like Quinn was going to back out at the last minute. There had been plenty of times she'd texted Rachel with "On my way" whenever she had lost track of time before one of their meetings. It had become a bit of a running gag between the two that had lead to hours of comfortable laughter among them. Rachel delving into one of her rants about the benefits of arriving on time while Quinn playfully rolled her eyes and commented on how cute the little diva was when perturbed. Rachel choked back a sob at the thought of the last text Quinn had sent her. This time there was no laughter, only tears. Rachel had spent every second possible with Quinn after her arrival in the hospital. She never left the girl's bedside. Her fathers had protested and said she needed her rest but eventually gave up upon the administering of a true HBIC raise of her eyebrow a la Quinn Fabray.

She sang to Quinn because It was the only way she knew how to express herself. She placed kisses upon the girl's knuckles and silently begged whichever deity that was listening that Quinn understood her message. She poured all the love she had into her singing. She whispered soft confessions of "I love you" into Quinn's ear before she fell into a fitful sleep. Upon day seven of her being prostrate at Quinn's bedside did she have her prayers answered. She was in the middle of singing Adele's "Make You Feel My Love" when she felt it. It wasn't much and she had almost missed it but upon feeling the gentle flutter of the fingers within her grasp again, she began to weep.

"Quinn? Sweetie can you hear me?" she called out around the knot that had formed in her throat. A hoarse gasp could be heard from the top of the bed. Immediately Rachel retrieved some water and held the straw to Quinn's lips.

"Drink this" she commanded. After the girl had her filled she pulled away, eyes stilled closed and laid her head back on the pillow. "Quinn, can you hear me? Please open your eyes for me." Rachel pleaded. Slowly those hazel eyes she had grown so accustomed to losing herself in appeared before her. Rachel let out a small sob at finally being at to look at Quinn and have her look back at her. "Hi" she whispered, afraid that if she spoke too loudly that Quinn would somehow disappear. Upon seeing Rachel, the edge of Quinn's lips quirked up into a small smile.

"Hey" she rasped back.

Rachel cleared her throat, "I'm so sorry Quinn. I should've never texted you while you were driving. It's all my fault that you're in here. I can't believe I was so self-".

"Rachel, shh, calm down. It's not your fault. I knew better", Quinn firmly whispered.

"If I'd never accepted that stupid proposal you wouldn't be here. If I had just admitted to myself how I truly felt", Rachel trailed off.

"How _do_ you feel Rachel?" Quinn questioned.

"I'm not sure how much you heard while you were unconscious but...Quinn, I-I love you." the brunette confessed. "I know this isn't the ideal situation in which to profess my feelings but I don't care. I'm not wasting another minute without letting you know how I feel about you", she breathed out. Quinn's eyes welled with tears at hearing the girl she's long pined after say the words that she'd been anxiously waiting to hear. She exhaled a shaky breath while simultaneously gripping Rachel's fingers.

"I don't think you know how happy you've just made me." she stated. "I've wanted to be able to tell you those exact words; I just wasn't sure how you'd react. I've loved you for so long Rachel." Quinn said through her tears. Rachel too had tears streaming down her face at hearing Quinn's words. All the words she had contemplated saying to Quinn left her in that moment and she did the next best thing she could think of. Placing a warm palm to a pale cheek, she slowly lowered her face towards Quinn's. With nothing holding her back, Rachel pressed her lips to Quinn's. She had expected fireworks but this was not the case. Instead what she experienced was more pleasurable than she had ever imagined. The moment her lips touched Quinn's she felt her heart skip a beat and her breath caught as her body fluttered with the butterflies she felt. Sure she had kissed people before but nothing compared to the feelings that came with kissing Quinn Fabray. Their lips moved languidly against one another, neither in a rush to hurry the kiss along nor to break the spell they were under. The kiss coming to a natural end with neither being sure of who was first to pull back, they rested their foreheads against one another.

"I love you Quinn Fabray." Rachel whispered so as not to disturb the moment. She smiled, gazing in to those hazel eyes.

"I love you Rachel Berry." Quinn breathily replied, a wide grin spreading across her face.


End file.
